


Hear Your Voice

by neolouis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Comedy, Cute, Fluff, M/M, Oneshot, dont ask me about the title i have no idea, fetus everywhere, idk what this is tbh, ie i dont like making up names, larry is real, lou and lux are here for a reason, lux is 3, oh the fluff is real, what else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-03-16 11:32:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3486641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neolouis/pseuds/neolouis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is in love with someone who won't talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hear Your Voice

**Author's Note:**

> ok look before you read this please just note that this is crap I wrote to pour the ever growing ideas in my head and thought I should share it. hope you enjoy every cuteness and fluffiness in this one bc I did and thank you for reading 
> 
> (note: this is actually from a chaptered original story I made. the school is made of many divisions but in this oneshot I focus only two and mention four. so this book I wrote was about original characters all over the school and one day I suddenly thought about what would happen if louisharry were in there so I'm sorry if it's confusing. there might also be lots and lots of comma bye)

**ACT I**

The sky was shady grey that day, Louis still remembers, because if it wasn’t, fate couldn’t have brought them together. Silent, cold and everything that Louis never liked. He had his favourite blue jacket covering him that day, and it wasn’t his favourite before it happened, and until now he remembers how this piece of clothing was the start of their story.

22nd of February marked the twentieth anniversary of St. Petes’ College, the only private school which sets an endless boundary between academic and the outer world (you could literally see the unbroken line of stone gate that rounds the school). Louis was shivering under the thickness of his jacket, palms on opposite arms, just trying to provide himself a little warmth. He was a thin figure, and Liam had pointed it out as it was.

‘I could give you a hug?’ Liam mocked, spreading his arms out.

‘Fuck off,’ Louis had pushed him away and the four people laughed.

Beside Liam, Zayn licked his thumb and caressed the green paint on his piece with it. ‘It is a bit cold,’ he said, eyes still on his work.

‘I think we’re almost done here, you can take a break in the next room, Lou. It’s warmer there,’ Niall offered.

‘Y’sure?’ Louis asked and the other three nod with a gentle smile on their faces.

‘You’ve worked hard, babe,’ Zayn stated, ‘go have some rest.’

A soft smile played on Louis’ lips when he patted Zayn with one hand before saying, ‘be back,’ and leaving the main hall. He was grateful to have such understanding friends, and to be honest, they were the only friends he had in the school despite him being in the top football club of the school. Zayn was his first ever friend since he came to the school and after he met Liam and Niall at the football club (although he was the one who approached them), they somehow became a group that was inseparable and they were the perfect match that no one could complain.

He was let off that easy for a reason he never realized himself–he needed rest. Everyday Louis woke up at five in the morning, studying and practicing and the rest of the day after class he did the same thing if he didn’t have other tasks to do. That day was one of those tasks; he was in charge of the event plan and Louis never complained when the teacher asked him privately. He also never rejected his friends’ thoughtful offer to help.

Louis didn’t usually escape this but his hard work took almost all his well-being and he’d been losing weight over the past few months, it worried his friends to the core. But he doesn’t regret it – because if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have surrendered to the cold of winter and listened to the silence of the hallway that very day. He wouldn’t have stared down at his boots, numbing toes under them. He wouldn’t have seen the shoe prints on the floor that slowly disappeared by the wind.

He looked up, noticing the boy staring at the news board where Niall had pinned the event flyer. His curly hair fell over his face, its tips touching his snow white skin. Louis saw his plump lips move as if he was trying to read out the words and his index finger tap on the glass that caged the pieces of information within. One arm was wrapping his white T-shirt and Louis gasped when he saw the bluish colour at the edge of his nails.

‘Hey, are you okay?’ Louis asked, running towards the stranger, arms still around each other.

The stranger jumped at the approach and backed away. His green eyes met the ocean blue, and they couldn’t hide the fright he must’ve felt.

‘Hey, it’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you,’ Louis tried again, gently.

No answer. Louis saw him bite his lip before his eyes set on the nails once again and widened.

‘Oh, God. Are you cold? You look pale.’ When the boy didn’t answer and his lips quivered like a child that is about to cry, Louis took his jacket off and wrapped it around the stranger (whom he just met a minute ago). He immediately forgot about his shiver and the warmth that abandoned his freezing arms. As it seemed necessary for him to do so, he pulled the boy’s hands into his own in a cross, and he clasped the remaining parts of his fingers together, locking icy grey under the nails.

The stranger watched him in horror, maybe a bit surprised at his move, and his eyes large when Louis looked up again. Louis smiled, however, and kept rubbing their hands together for a few minutes of silence before he let go. ‘That should keep you warm.’

Louis looked into the green orbs and realized they were terrified, he almost saw a small child trying to run away towards the deep nothingness, as if the boy’s soul was trapped inside.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked, leaning in to take a better look at the man and waving his hand. He didn’t earn anything from it but the way his Adam’s apple bolted up and down told him that the stranger was still with him. Louis’ face softened and he smiled (though his eyes showed his concern). ‘Can you talk?’

Again, the stranger just swallowed.

‘Nothing?’ Louis asked, shaking his head a bit, ‘Not even a nod? Anything...’ his eyes travelled to the pin on the snowy white T-shirt, ‘...Harry Styles?’

He saw Harry bite his lip again. Louis took another look at the badge; his eyes took turn to enlarge. _Department S4._

‘Oh, are you-‘ Louis didn’t finish his sentence. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know.’

‘Harry!’ a distant voice called. Footsteps left echoes through the warm hallways (just to Louis, probably and he just didn’t know why, he didn’t know why). Then, there was this woman, her blonde hair flailed over her shoulders as she came to a stop. ‘Hey, man. Didn’t mean to interrupt but he shouldn’t be here,’ she said. ‘Come on, let’s go.’

Louis noticed the way Harry’s brows creased and he was definitely angry by the way he pulled his hand away from the woman’s grip.

The woman sighed but it was clear in her eyes that she wasn’t going to complain. ‘Harry, I’m really sorry, okay? I promise I won’t do that again,’ she paused, ‘I’ll bake you some cookies?’

When Harry’s lip pouted at her (like he was telling her that he wasn’t a 3-year-old), Louis felt a small tugging in his heart and smiled secretly. Harry was beautiful, and even a straight man like him could admit that. He felt warmth all over his body, like Harry had poured winter hot spring on him with the smile that finally formed on his face when the woman said something Louis couldn’t quite catch (because he was busy feeling all kinds of things he never felt before).

As they turned around, and Harry finally remembered to look at Louis as they walked away, the woman asked him who he was talking to. Louis saw him turn his head away from him, shrugging and shaking his head. Somehow it hurt, as if Louis was a stranger that didn’t know boundaries. And yes, as shameful as it was, he was. He had allowed himself to talk to a person who lived in another House.

It was Harry’s fault, too. He shouldn’t have come to their House. He shouldn’t have come to Artt and met Louis. It was a mistake, the mistake that left bittersweet memories and Louis never regrets any of it. No, he wishes he could turn back time and relive those moments. Because it was the happiest time of his life.

 

The night of that day, Louis was at his desk, a pen in his fingers and lips, a textbook under his elbow but his eyes were trailing off to the darkness outside. The width of the street inside this school could only fit very few pairs of feet so he was a few steps away from the next House, where Harry lived. The school was wise enough to give many lights around each building – they made it easy for the enough number of guards to notice if students were wandering around at night. It never crossed his mind though, to cross the street towards the other division. Save was a place of rehab, and he didn’t have authority like Zayn to visit it, much less at night.

That popped an idea in his mind (and he didn’t know why he was suddenly interested in the other House).

‘Zayn?’

He heard a hum one bed from him – it didn’t surprise him anymore that Zayn could hear him even with earpiece on.

‘You visit Save once every week, right?’ he started.

Zayn raised his eyebrows at this, and immediately pulled his plugs away. ‘Yeah? What about it?’

Louis spun his chair around and he uncrossed his legs, resting his face against his palms.

‘Have you visited its Department 4?’

‘Yeah, of course!’ Zayn laughed, ‘There’s a student there who really likes my work. I visit him every week and sometimes he even escapes the boundary to find me. Why’d you ask?’

Louis’ eyes shone. ‘Is he by chance, Harry Styles?’

‘Indeed.’ Zayn raised his eyebrow again, his interest grew. ‘Have you met him?’

‘Yeah, happened to see him in the hallways.’

Zayn chuckled. ‘I told him I made flyers for the grand ceremony. He probably couldn’t wait until they are distributed to their division.’ He stopped when he noticed the different expression on Louis’ face, one he never saw since he met him, and he swore to himself that he saw the glowing face formed tint of red. ‘Alright?’

‘Uh, yeah,’ Louis nodded, ‘he’s just beautiful, don’t you think so?’

‘I thought that’s only for you to describe me,’ Zayn said, ‘’M disappointed in you, Lou.’

‘You’re gorgeous, Zayn.’ Louis rolled his eyes and a smirk was visible on his face.

‘That’s better,’ Zayn nodded, ‘but that lad yes, I can admit that. But hey, interested in a guy, are we?’

Louis sat straight, his lip pouting. ‘Is it wrong to see beauty in people?’

‘Whatever, mate,’ Zayn smirked, ‘’s just a pleasant surprise to finally have your interest in other divisions. You’re too busy with this House you never wanted to hear about the others.’

‘Hey, it’s not that I don’t care-‘

‘I know, you’re worried you’ll get attached.’ Zayn put an earpiece in one ear.

‘The school system sucks,’ Louis said.

‘It’s for safety, Lou, you know that.’

Louis hummed when he stood up and plopped down on his bed, hugging his pillow and turning to Zayn who was mouthing the lyrics to whatever he was listening. His mind trailed off to the time he had his first encounter with the other division, the only time he ever helped a Save he was given the red card for it. The red card, the decision that could affect his future and he was lucky enough that his influence in this House helped him dodge the bullet. And he was walking a lost blind man to his home for God’s sake, it cost him a month ground.

It didn’t matter anymore, though. Unlike Zayn, he didn’t have the right to even talk to Saves. He knew it was for good cause – every student who came to the school had met the conditions their own way so no one could be trusted. Especially an Artt like him. No, people like him were like gold of the school, they could do anything to the people below their rank. Who knew what they’d do to unfortunate people in the Save House. After that incident, Louis never minded into others’ business and it didn’t change his life. He instead became one of the most trusted Artt (who had turned down his chance of getting the advantage like Zayn).

Louis was scared of the outer world (even if it’s still in the school), and Zayn was aware of it.

‘Do you think there’s a way I could visit them, too?’

Zayn raised an eyebrow again, trying to hide a smirk. ‘Why? You want to see that lad?’

Louis whole body gestured a defensive reaction; he sat up straight, eyebrows creased. ‘It’s not that.’ It came out more like an uncertain statement.

‘Then, what is it?’

‘I-It’s,’ Louis stuttered, ‘ _Zayn_ , I have a girlfriend, I’ll have you know.’

‘Alright, never said you didn’t.’

Right now, Louis noticed Zayn stifle a quiet laugh.

‘I was just asking why you would suddenly want to visit that House.’

‘Alright. I want to visit it because,’ an idea popped right on time, ‘m-my jacket! It’s with him.’ Louis nodded at his own excuse, satisfied and proud. ‘It’s my favourite jacket, I want it back.’

Zayn gave it a moment to think before his lips pulled to one corner and he nodded, dribbling on his paperwork. ‘I’ll get it for you tomorrow.’

‘Zayn.’ It was more of a whine now and Zayn laughed at it.

‘I didn’t even mention the fact that you don’t have a favourite jacket, Lou. You literally throw anything you see on you.’ By now, he was laughing so hard. It wasn’t always that he got the chance to tease his busy friend.

Rolling his eyes, Louis sighed. Why did he even try to lie to his childhood friend? ‘Fine, I want to see him again.’ He pointed a finger at him, ‘It doesn’t mean I’m gay.’

‘I can bring one visitor with me but I have to take responsibility for anything that happens so while we’re there, you’re not going anywhere without me.’ Zayn took his chance to point his finger at him.

Louis groaned. ‘And you’re just telling me you could bring anyone now? Why were you trying to turn the conversation?’

‘Your fault. If you joined in our House conversation, you’ll know Liam and Niall take turns to go with me,’ Zayn shrugged, ‘which reminds me; you’ll have to discuss it with Niall. It’s his turn this week.’

With that, he covered his ears with music and muttered things about talking to Louis made him procrastinate and that Louis was a bad influence to him. He elbowed the pillow his roommate had thrown at him and they both smiled while continuing their own work.

At his desk, Louis rested his cheek on one palm, wondering how it was in the other House. From what he saw in front of him, with the white lights and shadows on the window stickers that blocked the view inside, it looked peaceful. He hadn’t realised he was staring out of space, thinking about a certain curly boy, until one by one, the lights went off in rooms, indicating sleeping time for the entire school.

**ACT II**

There was a lot of time to spare until the principal came back and the school finally celebrated their belated anniversary. Exactly 46 hours after he met Harry, Louis was in his last class for the day, packing his books at the deafening sound of the bell. He didn’t like Thursdays because it was the day he shared the last class with Eleanor. They’d sat in silence, Louis still pretending to pack and _she_ scrolling through her phone. It’d always been like this – it wasn’t entirely unreasonable for Louis to question the real reason she wanted to be his girl.

Sure, at first she seemed like this nice girl, shy and pretty, when she gave her confession letter which Louis was too kind to turn down. If she at least tried to win his heart, he might even consider giving it to her (although he was pretty sure it wouldn’t make much of a difference if she did). Now, he just stared across the window next to him (not feeling awkward at all), wondering what the person on the other side could be doing.

‘Louis.’

He almost jumped to rainbows when he heard the steady voice that was his good friend’s.

‘Oh, hi, El,’ Zayn said, raising a hand at the girl smiling at him, almost sounding like he was forced to do so, ‘Did I come at the wrong time?’

‘No, I was just about to go,’ she paused to turn to Louis, a hint of hope in her eyes that Louis couldn’t read, ‘do you mind?’

_He never minds._

‘No, not at all.’ There was a change in her expression and Louis swore he noticed the fake smile she tried to pull. She stood up and walked to leave the room, leaving echoes of her heels.

Zayn stretched his bottom lip when she (and the tension) was gone. ‘Harsh, Lou.’

It was times like this that Louis felt he was a heartbreaker. Sometimes, her actions told him she still had feelings for him, that her coldness wasn’t at all a sign she was getting tired of his silence. That it wasn’t as empty as Louis’ was from the moment he met her. She was still hoping for the impossible, and Louis couldn’t force himself to lie any longer. How he wished he never accepted her from the start.

‘So, were you just stopping that long hour from coming, or is it really important?’ Louis asked, deciding another topic was the best choice.

‘Neither,’ because honestly Zayn would love to see Louis suffer the silence, ‘I thought I told you I’m going to visit Save today.’

‘Oh, that, I almost forgot.’

‘No, you didn’t.’

Louis was so looking forward to it, and Zayn wasn’t going to let him take that away from him. It had been a while since he saw him this excited about other things (except football).

He saw him smile when they passed the snake hallways, even with people staring at them like royalties. He saw him tuck his hand into a pocket, searching for something and pulling out a few dollars. By the time they passed the shopping grounds (at the entrance of every House), Louis had pulled him to the nearest bakery, which Zayn had no clue why.

Zayn just watched him in confusion, a bit relieved and worried at the same time, as he replied to Liam’s text about Louis’ behaviour. He was standing at the door, creasing his eyebrows at the smile that never faltered when Louis browsed through the many choices.

 _I swear you’d have a lot of fun mocking him if you were here –_ Zayn

When he looked up from his phone, Louis was already paying for his purchase.

 _And you thought it wasn’t going to be easy. Should’ve done this sooner –_ Liam

‘Cookies?’ Zayn was quick to lock his screen as they proceeded to the main door.

‘He likes them, right?’ Louis beamed.

‘What are you, a stalker now?’

‘Look, I’m just trying to do something nice to him,’ Louis muttered, finally had it with Zayn’s constant teasing, ‘what with his conditions and all. I pity the man, Zayn.’

Zayn showed his pass to the guard and received nods as the door opened, but his head turned to Louis when he finished. ‘You know about his conditions?’

‘Isn’t he mute?’

‘Okay, first rule,’ Zayn said abruptly, ‘never assume things at Save. One could be wearing shades but they’re not always blind. Sometimes they have different conditions, more precisely fear of light, or colours.’

Louis sighed. It was one of those factual lectures and Zayn had lots of them in that brilliant mind of his; he was surprised Zayn chose to be a paint artist when he could be a doctor with that brain. He was always right, though – it made Louis feel bad for jumping into conclusions.

‘Then, why wasn’t he talking?’

‘I’m sorry, that is confidential, Lou,’ Zayn shrugged, ‘can’t help you.’

‘Come on, I’m your best mate,’ Louis complained.

‘The other two idiots are, too,’ Zayn said, referring to Niall and Liam, ‘but up until now they couldn’t find the answer. Or rather wouldn’t show they did. But if you study it closely, you’ll figure it out soon.’

Zayn gave this meaningful wink to Louis before he talked to the guard in charge at the next main door, leaving him confused and curious.

 

THE AFTERNOON didn’t turn as Louis expected. He imagined it would be difficult to communicate with Save people with different conditions but he couldn’t be more wrong. As soon as he entered the House, people welcomed him with warm smiles and asked questions about himself. There was a child, Daisy, who had the same surname as him, and she pulled him towards her twin, and there they talked about their own little adventures in Wonderland. He almost felt a faint connection when he let Phoebe sit on his lap while Daisy showed him her doll.

He’d spent more time in Department 2 more than he should and Zayn couldn’t interrupt when Louis was watching a smaller child draw a bunch of circles with different colours and giving her sweet compliments. She flashed a toothy smile just when Zayn saw the door open, a woman enter and wave her hand at him. Louis turned to see the same woman who had come to Artt the other day. Her blonde hair was now dyed silver, however, and her eyes wide at Louis with the little, blonde girl.

‘Who is this?’ she asked Zayn, but her eyes still on Louis.

‘That’s my friend, Lou, remember the one I told you about? Louis?’ Zayn said, smiling. ‘He’s here to see-‘ Lou’s softened face (after she heard the name) followed Zayn’s hazel eyes to see a boy tugging on her white blouse. ‘Harry!’ he exclaimed, spreading his arms out.

Harry’s face lit up at Zayn’s presence and he forgot about his guardian as he ran into his embrace (Louis watched from the side, not feeling a bit upset at all). When Harry pulled away, he held out his hands, asking for something that Zayn had in his grip for the few hours they were there, and proudly smiled when he received it.

‘This one’s pretty, right?’ Zayn asked. ‘It has a rose.’

Zayn saw not what he hoped was the expression Harry would have (though it had always been the result), but Harry was kind enough to offer a smile and nod. There was something else that Harry expected Zayn to draw but he couldn’t seem to find it.

At the other end, Lou approached the little girl and gave her a long hug.

‘So you’re Louis?’ she asked.

Louis struggled to look at her as he was busy watching the easy atmosphere between his friend and the silent man. He couldn’t even understand how Zayn could laugh when Harry made an expression as if he could read his mind. His brows contracted, he wasn’t even sure why he found it slightly annoying.

‘Louis?’

‘Ah, yes. ’M sorry, it’s Louis,’ Louis turned to face the girl now on Lou’s grip. ‘You are?’

‘I’m Lou, Lux’s mother,’ Lou said, ‘Harry comes here at 6 every day to check up on her.’

Louis’ eyes widened and he humbly nodded his head. ‘You’re her mother? I’m sorry, I-I was just-‘

‘It’s alright, Lux is happy to have a new friend to show her talent.’ Louis smiled when Lou dipped her nose with her child’s. She turned back to face him. ‘And hey, I’m sorry about the other day – I should’ve at least said hi but,’ she paused, ‘Harry wasn’t supposed to be in there and you know how the school is.’

Louis offered her a reassuring smile, telling her that he did.

‘You came to see him?’ Lou asked, poking her nose at Harry’s direction. Louis was once again faced with the disturbing image of his suddenly annoying friend pouting his lips in a smirk as he told a story that made the innocent (oh, so preciously innocent) boy next to him laugh that hard, considering no sound coming out of his throat. Lou, noticing this, chuckled and pushed him by the elbow so Louis would step up. ‘Go talk to him.’

‘Last time I did that he freaked,’ Louis huffed.

‘That’s a first,’ Lou wondered, making faces when Lux braided some strands of her hair and turning back at him, ‘but anyway, go. You just need to be gentle. He’s like a precious ornament.’ With that, she put her daughter down and used her free hands to push Louis in Harry’s direction, causing Harry to stop and follow Zayn’s gaze.

Zayn raised his thick brow at him. ‘The hell are you doing there, Louis? Get over here. You brought something for Harry, right?’

When Louis stepped forward, he noticed Harry reverse but stop as he pulled out a plastic bag. ‘Hey, I brought you cookies?’

They were about a metre away from each other and Harry, slowly and reluctantly, decreased the distance between them. Louis almost rolled his eyes at how ridiculous this seemed; it was as if he was trying to bribe a puppy with food. At this moment, Zayn was quicker to reach Lou at the back.

After what felt like forever, Harry was finally in reach and Louis had let him dig the bag after giving him the most innocent confused look he’d ever seen. Louis watched him stare at one cookie, he watched it pass the plump lips and being crunched into bits. But he also watched how Harry stretched those lips downwards when he did so.

‘W-What is it?’ Louis asked, nervous, ‘Does it not taste good?’

Harry’s eyes met the blues once again and he bit his lips to hide a smile that Louis could almost see. He’d pushed his hand that held the half-eaten cookie forward, very near to Louis’ own lips.

‘You... want me to have some?’ Louis asked. Harry nodded. And just as simple as that, Louis took a bite, his blush visible on his cheeks. He was busy thinking that he’d never been this bashful but all that disappeared when he tasted the mixture of ash and half-rotten blueberries. His eyes enlarged and he made the exact same expression he saw Harry pull just a minute ago.

Louis saw Harry chuckle soundlessly, his green eyes barely showed behind his lids and those dimples – they were more beautiful this up front and Louis could swear he felt his heart skip a beat. He’d swallowed and cleared his throat, embarrassed and proud at the same time. ‘Well, that bakery sure knows how to make business.’

They both laughed silently at this, while Zayn and Lou watched in amusement. Somehow, all those feelings Louis had when Zayn talked to Harry disappeared – he knew now how easy it was to talk to him, though Harry never said a thing, never made a sound, neither did he ever do sign language. Mostly, since that day Louis had met him, he was just there, listening, laughing, making readable expressions and pointing here and there. It was all adorable, really, and Louis never found flaw in him.

Whenever he came to the House, Zayn would give the two some space, only coming to show Harry his new paintings, who in turn ran to show them off to the person who saw him doing them. Zayn never minded, though, how Harry was more attached to Louis than him because ever since he met Louis, his paintings always earned the expression Zayn had poured all his talent for, the one that didn’t give him even the slightest badly hidden disappointment. After all, it gave him more chance to visit the other students.

Louis never knew it was possible, to connect, to have an easy flow in their conversation. He never knew he could be feeling the same feeling he had when he first saw Harry smiled every day. Sometimes, he just sat there, watching how Harry’s eyes shone at the drawings, at the music he listened, at the food he ate. Louis was completely in love with an innocent child, a boy who needed his constant attention and he never complained. In fact, he would stay there, just stay and be there for him, for every minute, for every second.

But he knew he shouldn’t.

**ACT III**

Six months after their first met, when it was Louis’ turn to go with Zayn to Save, it hit. He couldn’t lie to himself when he felt his heart beat getting faster everytime Harry took his hand to show him things. He was falling deeper than he saw it, and he was scared. Harry could be stuck in his past, living in his own fear, and suffering his trauma for the rest of his life.

Yes, he figured it out.

A few years ago, just before Harry entered the school, he was involved in an accident (and it took him five visits to get Harry tell it to him through the colours). It cost him his family, and he couldn’t remember what it was that made him box his voice forever. The memory was a miserable past Harry wanted to forget, and he did, leaving only bits echoing at the back of his mind. It seemed impossible to cure – just because he never tried.

Louis was in love, and Harry was a troubled Save.

The gentle touch on his wrist snapped him back to reality, and he was facing the beautiful face, emerald eyes blinking, confused.

He chuckled. ‘What is it?’ because he was sure Harry was too focused on drawing with Zayn that Louis got the chance to space out.

Harry grinned and pulled his hand towards the door, (and while Louis was reminding him that he didn’t have the authority to go anywhere without Zayn, Harry put his index finger on his lips) making sure no one noticed them and taking Louis to the hallways.

‘This is very mature, Harold,’ Louis mocked, and Harry gave him a pout (it didn’t cause his blood rush. Not at all).

Two turns, one stair and another turn, Harry opened the door to his room. There were two beds, one made, the other was just a complete mess.

‘Okay, we’re in your bedroom and?’ Louis asked as Harry shut the door behind him, ‘Harry, are you going to do something weird to me?’ It was a teasing comment, and it wasn’t like Louis was thinking of it. Maybe he was.

Harry ignored it and walked to the clean side of the room, which Louis guessed was his since he once got scolded for colouring past the line on the paper. He took a file from his drawer and scurried back to Louis, biting his lip in the way Louis knew to show he was excited.

‘I was wrong, you’re _giving_ me something weird?’ Louis tried, not very satisfied with the previous reaction. Harry scrunched his brows and Louis chuckled as he finally opened the file, revealing a drawing of himself. He saw the change on Harry’s face – his cheeks reddened and his dimples dug deeper into them. Louis’ eyes widened into complete circles. ‘You made this?’

To his disappointment, Harry shook his head no but pointed at the signature.

Louis’ eyes now narrowed into slits. ‘Oh, it’s Zayn’s. But you know, I can ask him for this you-‘ he stopped when he saw the date and his eyebrows rose. Blood rushed to his face as he looked back up to see Harry smile widely at the small little hearts just above Louis’ portrait.

The drawing was made two years ago, long before Zayn got his pass to gain access to the other Houses. Somehow Harry had it in his file (and it was the only one in it), protected and secured. Louis was unsure of the message, and he even teased him to retrieve the drawing. Apparently, his reaction wasn’t what Harry had expected to see when he told him his deepest secret and he was even too mad about it that he took away the piece and pushed Louis out of his room, back to the art room. He didn’t even take a glance at Louis after all that, and it turned Louis’s smile upside down, too.

The day went by, and two hours later, he was back in his room, still quiet and gloomy. Come to think of it, it was the first fight he had with Harry and he wasn’t going to apologize for it. He’d let the scarecrow mock him, and his other three friends hang out while not even asking if he wanted to talk. Little did he know the three were exchanging amused faces at each other, and only cut it out when Louis turned his lying position to the opposite direction.

‘Oi, I know you’re depressed but,’ Zayn started, ‘if you ever go without my permission again, I’m not letting you see him again.’

‘Be it, I don’t care.’ Louis closed his eyes, eyebrows contracted. ‘I’ll never see him again.’

‘Now you sound like a child,’ Niall commented, laughing his ridiculously adorable laugh.

‘What were you doing?’ Liam asked.

Louis groaned into his pillow with some gibberish nonsense for (Liam counted) three minutes.

The other three understood it anyway and all stopped at once when Zayn never put his card down instead of turning to Louis. ‘What drawing again?’

‘That thing you drew two years ago, of me sleeping,’ Louis cried, releasing his breath from the pillow, ‘when did you creep up on me like that anyway? You know that’s due copyright, right? I’ll be a famous footballer one day, I’ll charge you for it.’

‘Copyright, yeah, mate,’ Niall laughed again (that fucking laugh).

‘Oh, that,’ Zayn turned back to choose his card. ‘You remember when I used to send my works to Save every month before my advantage?’ he said, waiting for Liam’s turn, ‘I was out of idea and needed one more piece to complete the set. You were sleeping at that time, and so peaceful so I gave it a shot. Didn’t really think anyone would want to keep that one.’

Louis didn’t know if he should take it as a compliment or an insult – or both. But he kept listening to them, for once in his life he didn’t feel the need to voice his thoughts.

‘Wow, he kept it all these years?’ Niall mumbled, picking at his card.

‘You think he likes him?’ Zayn asked them nonchalantly, as if Louis wasn’t there.

‘Makes sense since he’s only appreciated your art after he met him,’ Liam tuned.

‘It really makes sense now,’ Niall nodded, holding back a smile as the others did as well, ‘since he saw the real thing, he doesn’t have to long for another portrait.’

‘And he didn’t get that,’ Zayn clicked his tongue, as all of them turned to Louis, ‘how rude, Lou. ‘M disappointed in you.’

‘You guys suck.’ Louis was trying to hide the smile that slowly formed on his face but failed. He wasn’t going to believe them, though. Not yet. ‘Do you really think that?’

Zayn shrugged. ‘I’m pretty sure, babe.’

Liam slapped his card onto the pile of others, claiming his victory when nobody cared anymore. Behind him, Louis finally sat up straight with his bottom lip in between his teeth.

‘He’s mad at me. What do you think I should do?’ Louis asked.

‘Apologize the next time you see him. Easy as that,’ Niall muttered as he shuffled the decks.

‘Can it be tonight?’

‘No way.’

‘Nuh-Uh.’

‘No.’ The three answers came right from Liam, Niall and Zayn respectively.

‘Some friends you are,’ Louis rolled his eyes, ‘Come on. Just once. I need to see him.’

‘It’s an hour to blackout. Have you any idea how dangerous it is?’ Zayn mumbled as the three continued to another round of their game.

‘Don’t you give me that. Last time we did it for you.’

Zayn groaned, muffling words in his palms about how he knew Louis was going to shove that to his face. It was the same thing; before he got the advantage, he’d asked them a favour to knock all the guards to unconsciousness to pass to Cell and the outcome, although he got what he wanted, was bad that the investigation never ended for a year. In his defense, it was the school’s system’s own flaw to let its body blinded at night. And it was what worried him now – there were lots and lots of guards all around them for it since it happened.

‘I learned from it, alright?’ he said calmly, ‘I’ve decided not to do it again.’

‘Just this once,’ Louis begged. He saw how Zayn’s fake, firm face softened when he gave him a pathetic pout and laughed when he sighed and nodded. Liam didn't mind the change, and he wouldn't let Zayn go alone - he remembered how difficult it was escaping the guards' sights. With Niall, however, Louis had to go through complaints and constant cries until he bribed him with food and lots and lots of it.

So that night, whilst two guards chatter, each with weapon and light on hands, a dark shadow appeared behind and knocked their heads with stones that moved in circles, tied with one short rope. They hit at the right spot, the guards blacked out and fell, revealing Zayn's glistening hazel eyes above the black mask covering most of his beautiful face. The attacks were quiet and quick but Louis noticed them from the corner of his eyes before he jumped from one window to the other, careful enough not to make sounds.

He wasn't going to lie to himself, he was scared of falling and his hands were shaking as he clipped his fingers to another windowsill. Why was he doing this anyway? He could've waited. When both hands reached a certain window, he used his elbow to hit the glass. Cursing and cursing and cursing. Until Harry opened it, surprised and amused at the same time. Louis could read it. Of course he could read it.

'So do you want me to die or?' Louis asked, barely hanging on (literally).

Harry bit his lips at it, really not wanting to laugh at the moment (because he was supposed to be mad, after all), and helped pull Louis inside, onto his clean desk. He watched the small figure gasp as if he’d escaped death, palms leaving faint sweat on the wooden surface through the gloves. Harry was sure Louis was exaggerating again but he was more interested to know what made him do this unthinkable thing. So, he tilted his head, face still faking anger but Louis smiled.

It never crossed his mind that Louis would lean in and press his lips on his own, moving just a bit slowly as Louis scooched forward on his knees. The green eyes stayed open for good few seconds, until his lids carefully fell. Louis smiled against his response, his teeth attempting to bite his own lip to cover his excitement on reflex but realised it was Harry's and his eyes fluttered open, he pulled away and dipped his fingers on his wet lips, smiling sheepishly. He watched when Harry took a second to open his eyes once again, cheeks flushing red and Louis just wanted to kiss him again.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to,' Louis said, now biting his own lip the way he intended. Harry just chewed his cheek and shook his head. It wasn't a big deal, Louis kissed him and that was _the_ big deal.

'I couldn't wait to see you,' Louis whispered, afraid Harry's snoring roommate would wake, 'I really didn't get it. 'M sorry, love.' Harry's face reddened the moment he heard Louis say it. 'And I feel the same way, too, alright. Stop being mad.' Louis sighed when he poked one of the dimples forming on Harry's face. How could someone be this pretty, Louis was screaming in his head. And this pretty guy had feelings for him, _he couldn't be this lucky_.

Harry's face was glowing under the dim light that was his desk lamp's, and his lips glittered where he'd touched them.

'Can I kiss you again?' Louis had asked shyly at which Harry chuckled (not much a chuckle as a delayed exhale) before he nodded.

And they did, longer this time. Louis had been careful enough to wear his gloves to not leave clues but now he ditched them so his bare hands could caress the warm, blushing cheeks as their lips move in sync. He'd deepened their kiss when he locked Harry's brown locks against the back of his neck, pulling him closer. His heart felt like an explosion of fireworks and he didn't know if Harry could feel it but he just didn't care. And Gosh. Louis just wanted him so bad.

He was still the wise man he was, though–he broke their contact and gasped for air, swallowing and pulling Harry's chin up so their eyes met. He smiled. Harry smiled. They were like idiots in love, just staring and laughing when the moment passed (though it never did).

'I have to go. Promised the guys it won't be long,' he explained, 'or we could get caught.' He bit his lip again, now hoping it could give him the same feeling when he had Harry's on them. 'So I'll see you next week?'

Louis put on his gloves, not missing the questioning look on Harry's face.

'We have the ceremony on Saturday. The principal just got back from his long,' Louis groaned, 'oh, so long,' he sighed dramatically that made Harry laugh his silent laugh, 'break. That guy never keeps his word. I literally spent hours and hours for the event for him to hold it for months-' He was complaining and he realised it when Harry made that face that reminded him about what he'd said earlier.

 _In 3 days you can tell me that story._ Somehow, what he read was what Harry wanted to say.

Louis smiled at him once again, ever so fondly before he slipped out of the window, ready to face another death threat.

'Sweet dreams.'

It was the last time he'd ever seen that innocent, sweet smile fixed on Harry's face.

***

It was the day of the ceremony, 182 days, 15 hours and 7 minutes after he met Harry. Louis was in his class, watching the hours tick by. While some people had gathered around outside, at the largest field of the school (which could fit the entire school body, all fifteen Houses), Louis chose to sit at his desk. He missed Harry, he really did. For God's sake, he got to see him only once every three weeks (sometimes twice if Niall was willing to let his turn go), and he was too excited to continue his sleep. He'd hid himself between four walls, hoping no one could see how insanely early he was for the (tiresome) event.

He got to see Harry, though, so nothing else mattered.

The lights flickered open in the dawn darkness, and there he saw the woman he'd dumped a few months ago, surprised but smiling in confusion at him. Her long, curled hair fell over her shoulder at her head tilt as she approached him.

'You're here?' she said.

'No, I'm actually a lingering ghost,' Louis mumbled, playing with his nails.

She rolled her eyes. 'Why are you here?'

'Noth'n.'

'Okay, I'm here to get my notebook.'

'I didn't ask.' It was a surprise turn of event, really - when he broke it off with this girl saying they should just be friends, he didn't see her actually _becoming_ his friend. The quiet, boring girl turned to be one of his chatty, even more boring-when-she-talked-about-nonsense friend. Somehow he didn't mind, because it was better than having an awkward atmosphere around his table friend.

Louis watched as Eleanor took her seat next to him.

'Why are you not out? I saw Zayn at the stage, isn't that your job?' she asked.

'No,' he said simply.

'They have shaved ice. It will be crowded once the event starts. You wanna have some?'

Louis was about to turn it down but she was quick to interrupt. _Who dares cut Louis off._

'Come on, my treat.' She had clung her arm to his and pulled him like a handbag – it would embarrass her if Louis stopped her, with her being his friend now and all. So, instead, Louis let out a depressed groan and sighed as she led him out. He wasn't sure what part of his last words as her boyfriend made her this bold – the fact that he said he was in love with a man or that he never could feel about her that way. He let the thought sink because it wasn't worth thinking anyway, he's seeing Harry today and that's what will stay in his mind.

They had passed a few classes, Louis with a bored look on his face and Eleanor with her phone, before they exited their House from one of the back doors. There were faces he'd never seen before (or forgotten) as he walked by booths, and he saw Liam by the fake bomb stand and Niall at a golf area, both too busy to notice him walking not-so-awkwardly with an ex. He'd let her carry him on to the far end, exactly opposite to the stage (where ant-sized Zayn was discussing things with the Councils), and buy two separate Piragua.

Their arms were still tangled when Louis dipped his lips onto the cold substance, eyes searching for a pair of emeralds. It couldn't be possible for him to find one person in thousands of people, and he almost lost hope as the crowd thickened when he saw Harry staring behind the different passerby. He'd offered him an excited smile, waving with the three fingers that used to hold the bottom of the wrap. Harry didn't react, though. He never did even when Louis tried to approach before he disappeared behind the increasing number of figures.

'That the guy?' Eleanor asked, crunching on the ice inside her mouth.

Louis rolled his eyes at the tightened grip on his arm. He didn't answer her question but pushed the wrap in her free hand and unlocked his arm, flashing immediately into the crowds, ignoring the faint call of 'hey!'

He'd searched for half an hour into the endless width of the field and he was sure he was at the Sci area now (with all the tech and stuff around him). He wasn't yet lost, though, as the booths were near the stage, unlike the ice booth. He'd sighed, still looking around, hoping he'd find the Save area but to no avail (he really should’ve kept the map with him) when he felt a warm hand grip on his shoulder.

'Zayn.' He panted. 'Have you seen Haz?'

'No, why?' Zayn gave him a confused look, 'But I have someone who'd like to meet you.'

Zayn held his arm out as a man in brown beard stepped forward, and Louis swore his mind stopped working as his jaw dropped.

**ACT IV**

A week after the grand ceremony, Louis was in his bed, sighing for the umpteenth time Zayn heard since his first work that day. That wasn't just it–he heard him groan, heard him whined useless crap, heard him cried with a long, long 'aah' and he just couldn't–couldn't keep up. Finally, when he was sure his own mind were going to fall out of his head, Zayn spun around in his chair.

'For God's sakes, babes. Talk to him. He's the only reason holding you back, right?' he sighed, his face falling into his folded arms over the back of the chair.

Louis peeked through the edge of his pillow. 'I only have until Monday to decide, Zayn.' And then another cry, causing Zayn to roll his eyes to the ceiling.

'I can go tomorrow for next week's visit. I'm sure Liam wouldn't mind giving his turn.'

'Thought you can't go on Sundays?'

''S because Sundays are for Cell,' Zayn mumbled.

Louis' eyes shot open. 'You're sacrificing your time with Perrie for me?'

Zayn shrugged. ''S time I did something cheesy for my mate.'

'And you wait til now?' Louis removed the pillow away from his face, his eyes glassy, a sad smile formed.

'Gon miss you, bro.' Zayn's lips pulled into a smirk, his own eyes glistened with tears.

Louis laughed through his hoarse voice. 'Not yet, man. 'M not even sure to go. Wouldn't want an awkward atmosphere if I stayed.' He was forcing that mockery and Zayn knew it the moment their eyes locked, and they just smiled into each other's eyes for a while.

Sometimes he forgot how much he loved this man, the same man who welcomed him to the school, the same man who helped him cope with the environment, the man who introduced him to Harry, and the same man who introduced him to a legend who made his dream come true. Through the hazel eyes staring back at him, he returned to the memories at the back of his head, to the moments when Zayn tucked him in bed when he was sick, when Zayn took the blame for his mistakes, when Zayn made people bow to him during department 3. All the way back, to when he met him from the first time.

_'Hi, I'm Zayn and this half is my space do not disturb.'_

 

Small chuckles filled their room, as if both of them reminisced that particular time Louis first entered their first room together.

***

Louis was outside his door. Worry engulfed him as his eyes were set on the plate.

_Quarantine Room 14_

He didn't know what happened since the celebration–after Harry disappeared Louis spent the whole day searching for him in vain. He'd met Lou on the way to this corridor, and she'd said Harry had been gloomy and subconsciously violent at times, resulting him locked in the room that was opposite to this door. Louis just wanted to break it and escape with him to nowhere. He was wondering what Harry was doing right now. Eating? Was he sleeping?

At last he exhaled the breath he didn't realise he'd been holding. A knock on the door, and he didn't want to remember how Harry would write jokes on a paper for him to appreciate. A nurse opened the door, giving him way as soon as she saw the tag that hung on his chest pocket.

Louis remembers that day, the look on Harry's face was broken, tired and angry. He had tears falling over his cheeks when he noticed Louis' presence and he immediately stood; in his white uniform that hung over his shoulders down to his knees, he stepped back to his bedside. Louis saw him pout, his bottom lip tremble.

'Haz, what happened?' he wanted it to sound soft, but he wasn't sure it was that Harry had to push the tray on the bedside table away, onto the ground, causing terrible sounds of crash and splash.

'Harry!' Louis cried again as the nurse tried to back him away from the room. Another worker came asking and they said things he couldn't concentrate on, his eyes lay on the man who suddenly fell, legs folded, hands on ears, shivering and shouting in fear. Louis' irises narrowed when he heard his voice for the first time. 'No, no,' the nurse was pushing Louis now, 'No!'

'What's going on here?' there was a security guard, large built, almost bald and he was holding Louis' arm like he was a child.

'Let me go, damn it!' Louis had elbowed the man in the stomach and rushed towards the curly boy in fear. He heard Zayn's voice talking to the guard and the room was silence once more.

Louis' hands hooked Harry's wrists carefully, moving them away from his ears as he hushed him. He saw the green eyes, scared and vulnerable, looking right at him.

'Hey, it's all in the past. It's just me,' Louis whispered, 'babe, calm down. What happened?'

Harry's brows are contracted again once he saw the hands on his arms. He pouted but never moved.

'Harry said Louis cheated on him.'

Every head turned to look at the owner of the sweet, soft voice. There Lou stood, Lux on her arms, index finger pointing at Louis.

'What?' Louis gaped as he turned back to face Harry. When realisation hit him, Louis hit his forehead with his palm and chuckled, causing a confused look on Harry's face. 'Is this what it's all about?' he asked, resting his chin on his knuckles, 'Love, that was my friend. She's a loser who clings to anyone all the time and she knows that my heart's taken.'

The emeralds widened, Harry's cheeks flushed in embarrassment. Louis giggled at it, wiping the wet skin with the hem of his shirt sleeves.

'And hey,' Louis started, chewing on his lip, _he didn_ _’_ _t have much time_ , 'I have something to tell you.' He swallowed, suddenly feeling the lump of bile struggling to crawl up his throat. His eyes watered, and his nose wrinkled. It was Harry's turn to worry. 'You remember my dream of becoming a professional football player?'

Harry nodded slowly.

'I got an offer.'

Louis sighed when he read Harry's expression.

'I-I have to leave school.'

And he doesn't want to remember the things that happened after–how Harry had pushed his hands away, how he hugged his knees, how he sobbed and how Louis untangled his arms, how he cupped Harry's cheeks so he was facing him again, how tears touched his thumbs, his own cheeks. He doesn't want to remember how he begged Harry to say something–anything–and he might just stay a bit longer. Just _anything_ to stop him, or tell him what he wanted to hear, and he might have given up everything just to be with him.

_Anything, Harry, please._

But Harry just didn't love him enough.

**ACT V**

Four years later, Louis stops counting days, he stops wishing he could turn back time. All that Harry is, is a fragment of his memories, one that will stay forever as a happy blessing. He doesn't know how he feels about it now as what's left in his heart is a mended scar, all by his love for his new career. He's 23 now, and Harry's already in his 21st if he's remembered it correctly. It's a funny story, how he and Harry only met for ten or so days in the seven months he knew him, but could develop a feeling so deep, felt so real. Now Louis just sees it as a young love, a temporary thing that stays for as long as he lives.

He faintly remembers the pain of leaving the school, leaving everything behind. And the pain of missing him, feeling the increasing distance between them. Now, Louis focuses on his game, never meddles in a social life except with his team–just his team and family from Doncaster and the charity community. He has so much to do, so much to give and he has no time to replace Harry with someone in his heart.

Well, that has always been the plan before he hears his best friends are leaving the school after their graduation. Like any other Artt, they always have opportunity waiting in the real world, though a bit later than Louis had. And they aren't going to miss the chance of seeing him again. Now they're here, he knows he needs to get out there and live his life because they have plans to do, promises to keep (ones they share ever since they were children for when they leave the school gate) and he knows he'll be the happier man he once was.

Right now, Louis is shaking his leg, tapping the table with his fingers and it's only been five minutes since he got here. He keeps looking, left and right, front and back, his nails and his feet. He's excited, yes, but more nervous. What if things have changed and they aren't that close anymore? He sighs.

'Louis!'

He hears that voice and he smiles, a familiar feeling creeps inside him. It's Niall's voice, it definitely is.

When he turns, he's right. There he is, all blonde and tall, and he's running to catch Louis in his arms.

'Oi, too tight,' Louis complains, patting him on the back.

'I missed you!'

Louis relaxes into the embrace, breathing in the same scent Niall had the last time they hugged. 'Missed you too, bud.'

A few moments after, he sees Zayn and Liam on their way to the table, and the tears that he held from Niall's appearance fall to the white shirt against his nose.

'There he is,' Zayn says, as if Louis was a little kid. Louis has punched him playfully on the chest and Zayn laughs it off as he takes his turn to lock him in his strong arms. 'Missed you, bro. For serious.'

Louis nods, unable to speak. Now, he's not usually a crybaby but when he feels Zayn tighten their hug before letting go, he can't help but sniff until Liam pulls him into another giant hug.

'Oi, why are you so small?' Liam teases, 'Did you ever grow up all these years?'

'Shut the fuck up, man,' Louis mumbles, wiping the tears on his eyes on Liam's shirt (normally Liam would make a comment about this, too, but he lets it go this time because he can't really talk without sounding pathetic now).

They have carried on to their conversation, once in a while clinking their glasses together, and laughed and talked about the old times, about their story now, about the graduation–everything. Louis couldn't be more wrong–it feels like they haven't even been separated for years. There they are, just like they were years ago.

Zayn apparently is engaged now to Perrie, who has another year left before she can leave Cell. Liam met a girl named Sophia a few days ago and Niall–well, Niall just wants to have fun for another few years. They never mention Harry, and although Louis has involuntarily dug for information, they never realise it. Or they just think he shouldn't know.

By eight, Zayn and Liam are already wasted and they've head to the stage, singing karaoke, and Louis has never been this proud to call them his friends. He missed them so much.

Louis darts his gaze from Zayn's incredibly calm expression (for someone so drunk) as he hits a high note, to Niall who is laughing at the two idiots. As if he knew, Niall turns to look at Louis, nose red but at least a bit sane.

'You there, Ni?' Louis chuckles, slapping Niall's forehead lightly when he leans in to give him a kiss.

'Ha, I'm here,' Niall giggles.

Louis watches as his two friends sing to each other before he looks back at Niall, biting on his lip anxiously. Niall is playing with the knife, which Louis immediately removes from his hand. 'Hey, Ni.'

'Yeah?' Niall pokes his nose up in the air, peeking through his lashes and Louis gives it a minute to see if he is going to pass out. He takes a glance at the other two who have moved on to the second song. These three are never exposed to alcohol for the past four years like him, and they were already claiming they could take it every time they poured into the glass. Surprisingly of all three, Niall can handle it better.

'Uh, so,' Louis starts, ruffling his own hair, 'how is he?'

Niall raises an eyebrow, his expression a genuine confusion. Then, he puts his index finger up in the air, arm reaching out to above his head, giggling. 'Oh, Harry! You have no idea.' He's laughing now.

'What?' Louis asks, half-pissed off at his drunken friend.

'He,' he pauses to give room for another round of his laughter, 'he talks a lot, man. On and on and on.' Niall raises the same finger again, tracing imperfect circles in front of him. 'And listen to this.' He leans in to whisper in his acidic breath. 'He's the slowest goddamn talker I've ever been friends with.' Niall laughs, clapping his hands and then spreads his arms around. 'It'd be so cool if all five of us hung out and you know, start a band or sumthin'. Because that chemistry we have, you know,' he whistles, 'is so real.'

'He's one of us?'

'Who's one of us?' Zayn asks as he slides down into the seat across Louis.

'Harry,' Niall mumbles.

'Oh, right. After graduation we left school together,' Liam joins in, 'and man would it be complete if you were there with us.'

Louis sees the guilty look on Zayn's face for a very brief while before he hiccups. 'He was transferred to Artt since he got over his trauma and he had no friends but us; we didn't betray you, Lou.'

Brows relaxed, Louis pats on Zayn's arm. 'Hey, I didn't say you were, babe. Plus we didn't have a thing going on, I mean at least not officially.'

'Yes! Yes!' Zayn exclaims, pointing a finger at him, 'He said the same thing, too! But the opposite like, you twist the end and-' Louis holds onto Zayn's arms tightly as if he demanded him to talk properly, his blue wonders wide in all seriousness, 'like, he said the thing that you had, didn't end, officially, you know.' Zayn shrugs and laughs soundlessly when Liam shows him a marshmallow at the bottom of the liquor bottle.

Louis lets his mouth open as he sits back, melting into his seat. 'He said that?'

'He did everything so he could see you again, Lou,' Niall smiles now, resting his head on his ear. A hiccup leaves his lips. There is a tint of red forming on Louis' cheeks after he said it.

'W-Where is he now? Why is he not with you lads?' Louis asks more urgently than he has.

'He's 'fraid to meet you,' Zayn says, 'last time you saw each other, you-' he stops as words start jumbling in the back of his head. 'Left.'

_He didn't give him a chance._

***

'God, what happened?'

Louis smiles at the black-haired who has just awakened. He's preparing soup for the three lads scattered on the sofa (Zayn in a normal sitting position with the back of his head on the back rest, Liam curling up in his lap and Niall just hanging half of his body against the arm rest, feet on Liam's own and his hair almost touching the floor) while Zayn moans in his palms.

'You didn't listen. I told you one glass is enough for you pure newbies.' Louis chuckles. He remembers the time he was in their place, which was far sadder considering the fact that his friends left him sleeping next to a garbage bin in the street.

He sets the bowl on the coffee table and sits on the couch, waiting for Zayn to finally open his eyes.

''M sorry, bro. How did you manage to get us here?' Zayn asks, massaging his temple with his fist knuckles.

'Quite alright. Been there,' Louis chuckles, 'you and Liam could still walk. I had to show you the right way with Niall on my shoulders.'

Zayn looks at him, smirking while fighting the pain that's entering his vision. 'For a little man like you, you sure are strong.'

'Watch it.'

'Louis.' Zayn puts his arm on the arm rest, his eyes soften. 'Did I tell you?'

Louis offers him a comforting smile and nods.

'You alright?' Zayn pats him on the lap.

'Yeah. But does he ever want to see me again?' Louis mutters, glassy eyes looking down at his fingers.

'He did everything, changed how he was, for you, Lou. He wants you to be proud of him, of what he's become. Of course he wants to see you,' Zayn says softly, tightening his grip on Louis' knee for reassurance. 'He's just not sure if you want to because he let you down that last time. And well,' he pauses, 'if you're seeing someone.'

Louis breathes out a chuckle and sniffs. 'No, I'm not.'

'So you want to see him?' Zayn asks, looking through the fringe that falls over Louis' eye.

Louis looks up, swallowing before he nods.

***

It is Sunday evening, marks exactly three hours, a week and four years after that time Louis saw the scared look in Harry's green eyes. Scared. He isn't sure what frightened him most - the exact release of his voice or if his fear would make Louis leave. He experienced both in the end, and yeah, Louis' proud of that but he's also the reason for all the pain. Louis is a normal man, a talented one at that, too, and Harry was too vulnerable (for God's sakes, he was in quarantine for feeling unwanted and jealous and stupid). How could Harry survive the same pain he felt, maybe more? Louis was even worried Harry was sent to Cell after he left.

He's been pacing into and back out of the restaurant, unsure if he should even show his face. Louis is embarrassed, by his previous abandonment. How can he meet him in the eyes after all that? The thought of Harry wanting to punch him in the face in this meeting crosses his mind.

He's half an hour late yet he's still there standing by the entrance, indecisive, just watching different people walk in and out (Harry might have been one of them but he's not sure). Louis looks at his watch.

_6:30_

_Oh, what the hell._

Louis takes in a deep breath and straightens his whole body, clutching into his palms. Every step he takes feels like cutting his lifespan by years. His heart beats faster, and faster, and faster... until at one point, when he sees _him_ at the bar, he swears it just stops beating altogether.

 _He's here_ , Louis cries in his heart. Just a few people ahead, on one of the stools, the love of his life sits. He watches him from the side, how he bites his lip like the way Louis has missed. His curls are longer now, tipping on his lean shoulders, and he's held them back with a green headband (not as gleaming as his eyes but still green), Louis feels a pump in his heart once again. He's taller, too, Louis assumes, looking at the tight, maroon jeans that go all the way into the high, golden boots that dance on the stretch.

When a woman approaches, he offers a kind smile, the dimples form and Louis just misses him so, _so_ much. The lady puts her hand on his arm, at which Harry stares innocently, still the innocent man he loved.

How can he face him? What lies before him is a beautiful man, one he leaves in his troubled mind, scared and sad. One he shunned from his selfish dream. Even if Harry has forgiven him, he doesn't deserve it. Louis doesn't deserve his beauty, his kindness, the wonderful being he is, he never deserved all of that. And he chokes on the painful lump in his throat once the large, green eyes meet his own blue. A strong force surges within him, even stronger than he remembers it happened the very first time he saw him. He hides the tears behind his hand, steps back when he notices Harry straighten up, lips parted as he ignores the woman.

Louis turns around and runs for the door, out of the restaurant and into the streets. He walks through the angry cars, through the strange faces, through everything he doesn't give a _damn_. He stops as he feels like his legs were about to fall out of their sockets.

He looks up at the crying sky, letting it wash the tears off his face. There are blaring horns, music from nearby shops, footsteps behind the sound of raindrops onto the hard surface of the pebbles. More footsteps. And louder every second passes. _And then_ , a strong grip around his waist, and he almost jumps.

Now, he feels warmth all over his body, as he feels the person dip his nose onto his shoulder. _Harry_? The curls start falling over the same place, some tickling his neck. He feels blood rush to his cheeks.

'Please don't leave me,' a raspy voice says, and hair stood at the back of Louis' neck. 'I said it this time, don't leave me, Louis, please.'

A smile creeps up Louis' face–Niall was right, Harry talks very, very slowly in his melody, but Louis didn't imagine it'd sound this lovely, and he just wants to listen to it over and over again. He's not sure, either that, or the way he called his name, that makes his heart beats against norm, so quick he's sure it threatens to escape into his stomach. It's either that, or the fact that he's wrapped in Harry's large arms, or that Harry is so close to him he feels his breath brush against his skin. Or simply the fact that Harry is here, _with_ him.

'I,' Louis hesitates, 'I don't deserve you, Harry.'

'Don't say that.' Harry tightens his grip, afraid Louis would escape again.

Louis sucks in air with his open mouth, swallowing the water falling into him. The beating inside him is too much to carry. 'Harry,' he tries, turning his head so his nose is touching Harry's curls, 'hey.'

'Please don't leave me again, Lou, I said it this time,' Harry repeats, and Louis just smiles again, his hands now wrapped around Harry's own on his waist (only now he realises his hands are freakishly smaller than his).

'How are you?' Louis asks all of a sudden.

'Don't leave,' Harry begs again, his voice cracks into almost a whisper, and Louis is worried he might catch a cold.

He feels him shaking on his back, feels his hands tight on his stomach, feels his warm tears on his shoulder. He feels his heart beating against his own and he can't figure whose is faster or if both are equally in rush. He feels Harry so close to him, and he misses him so much, much more he doesn't want it to end. Louis finds it terrifying–the thought of not having Harry around again. For once he finally understands Harry, for once he understands fear. But in his case, his fear is losing him for real, for the days to come, forever. Now, he realises his fear is to face the future not seeing Harry's eyes, his dimples, his curls–everything about him. He fears he's falling too deep in love, not having to have him fall with him. And he just misses him _so much_.

So, as the smaller hands press on the shivering hands on him, Louis smiles softly, sighing and kissing Harry's wet hair.

'I won't.'

_Not now, not ever again._

 

**END**


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